and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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