Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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