How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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