So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
