Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't put those talents on a resume
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
