Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
