We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
