Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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