so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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