2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
