Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
