Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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