then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
