Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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