Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
