Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
