He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
did you just send me my own nude
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
