Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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