I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
