More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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