Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I skipped work to stalk him.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
