i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
