dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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