he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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