3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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