Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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