her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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