I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
