did you get engaged???
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
