i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
