Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
