and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
