On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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