It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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