Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
