who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's official drugs can't kill me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
