I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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