Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
