literally had 100 drinks last night.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
