buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
