I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
