I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
