And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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