Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
