but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
ttyl tear gas
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
