My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
