I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
