Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
