So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
