And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize