She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
