Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
