Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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